argh.


results are out. and i've screwed up big time. its only term one. TERM ONE! amaths is a confirmed fail, eng and chem maybe a mere pass overall. but who can i blamed but myself for all these? why cant we forgo results aft the tests? didnt moral ed always says results arent important? now i understand the ugly truth.

im disappointed. not onli with my results, but also with my family.. yes. i might be unfair to them, but i cant deceive myself. i had a great blow aft every paper was given bac. looked thru the ugly paper, and realised my foolish mistake. i pissed myself off. i was so disappointed at that point in time. my mom's nagging wasnt the first thing i thought of. i held much faith in her. i believed she wld understand me. i trusted she wld be supporting me. just like previous years when i got totally screwed up. but it wasnt the case.

the night before ytd's, i told them all the results. yes. it was in exchange for horrible remarks. they thought i dint giv a damn to the results. they thought i dint. they ask me for the reason, and i dint bothered to reply. rather, i dint even know how to answer this to myself! i know i got myself to blame for this fucking results. but...

things changed. issit bcos im a sec4 now? i hate this. she dint realised her words was harsh. she dint realised the words went in. she dint realised her words hurts.

she broke my trust in her.

i dint want to face my parents. rather, i dont know how to. i dont want to be questioned about my results. when they loved to talk about it. i want my results to soar. who doesnt? its not i dint giv a damn. or shld i be crying in front of you all the time to show that?

you dint realise, thats what hurts me most.

fuck.